“I like the touch of the cool sheets when we get into bed,” the man had said on the first of many nights. The city lights were shining through the window. That was many years ago.
The woman still remembered the lights after all those years.
“I like the touch of your hands,” she had replied, lying in his arms. “It is not too soft and not too hard. It neither takes over nor plays. It supports firmly and gently. It’s all over and warm, and it says you’re there for me.”
The woman still remembered the touch that had lasted for so many years.
She reached for the other side of the bed. It was empty and cold. She hugged her pillow and looked through the window. The gentle waves of the sea were flickering under the moonlight.
“Maybe I'll go for a quick swim.”
*
“Summer is almost over,” said her son. “Why don’t you come to the city to be close to us?"
“Thank you, love, but I’m fine here,” the woman said, holding his hand, remembering how tiny it used to be. Her boy was a man now with his own little ones.
“You won’t be alone there,” he insisted.
“I told you, I’m fine,” she said. “I have things to do.”
*
It was many years ago.
Was it another life? It sure felt like that.
They were reading the little boy a bedtime story.
“Hug, hug!” the man and the boy yelled, laughing.
“How is this a story?” the man said. “All it says is HUG. The little creature goes to everybody and keeps saying that. I bet I could write a story like this.”
“Hugs are important,” she said. “The point is to notice that.”
She grabbed the boy.
“Who needs a hug?”
They all laughed and hugged.
*
The wind brought in the smell of the sea.
“It is a little wavy,” the boy said, looking out the window. “Will you be fine swimming by yourself?”
“Oh, yes,” she said with a smile. “It’s the best time.”
*
She could remember the first time the man walked with her by the water at night. They were wearing white, looking at the new-year fireworks far away.
Was that a dream?
“Happy New Year,” he said, and then they were one. She could feel the touch of his lips on hers. It was deep, strong, and bitter-sweet. Just the way she liked it. And it went on from one year to another.
The next time they wore white on the beach, he vowed it would last even longer.
“You will always have a place you belong, in our home, in my heart, and in my arms.”
The touch of his hand told her she could believe him.
*
The woman had written in her journal:
“Ideas for a better sleep:
o You fall asleep easier now that you can feel the weight of his arm around you.
o Reading before sleep is fun and relaxing. It is tricky to hold a book and turn the pages all with one hand, but it is worth it to hold hands when reading.
o If you are facing different directions in bed, or if you are surrounded by pillows, there are still ways to keep in contact. Be creative!”
♥
“I got a bigger place in the city now,” the boy said. “You will be very comfortable and can come to the beach house in the summer. When will you move out of here? It’s been more than a year since …”
“You can say it,” she replied. “Since we lost him?”
“You know we all miss him, but yes.”
“I didn’t lose him, and I’m not alone. You don’t understand.”
*
The man and the little boy were splashing in the water.
“Come with me to where the water is deeper,” she told them. “Don’t be scared of the sea.”
They started swimming together.
“Stay here,” the boy said. “The water is warmer here.”
“It’s the same water,” she replied. “You just want to stay in the shallow part.”
“No,” the man said. “He is right. Haven’t you noticed how the water suddenly feels warmer sometimes? I think there are different currents.”
“Or maybe there is some creature trying to hug you,” she said as she pulled the boy.
“There is no magical creature in the water,” he said. “Is there?”
“Where your mom is from, that’s not magic,” said the man. “Just reality.”
*
The woman had written in her journal:
“Ideas for a better sleep:
o A small kitchen is the perfect place for a more intimate evening dance. Kitchen Rumba, anyone?
o He can squeeze your back bones into place but that is also a good excuse for a tight embrace.
o Full-body massage with scented oils is a great experience before sleep. Having him put cream on your feet is a much simpler experience but can happen every night.”
♥
She was watching the sunset with her son.
“I know you love swimming and the beach,” he said. “But don’t you feel bored or lonely here? After all these years?”
“I’m not alone in the water.”
She looked at her boy. He had a family and raised his own kids. He would probably understand.
“I feel at home in the water,” she started. “You know that. I have swum my whole life. But there is more to it.”
“Yes?”
“Every few minutes, there comes a wave that is different,” the woman said.
“It is gentler and lifts me up.
“It embraces me tightly with its warm touch.
“It lies on my chest and rubs my feet.
“It caresses my face.
“It always comes back.
“It is mine and makes me feel I belong.
“And I know it’s him.”
The sky was red and blue from the setting sun and shining moon.
A cloud with the shape of a tower loomed over the sea.
The woman got up and walked on the sandy beach towards the water.
“I need a hug.”
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