SHINING BITTER SMILES
You know,
I take data from what I’m told
plus what I see,
plug it in
and the equation
keeps spitting out incoherent anarchy.
I hear how rude it is
to say
You'd look better if you smile
that we should feel our valid feelings,
or how forcing
a happy disposition
is its own oppressive misery
and everyone seems to agree
but I still see
the greatest predictor
of sizeable social circles and success
being how constantly you portray
a toy's icy layers
of permanent joy.
I must have missed the part in Winnie the Pooh
where Eeyore eats the right apple,
learns shame for his temperament,
and finally attains a state of worth.
Perhaps I never unheard
a past partner
casually proclaim justification
for my exclusion at work
by saying how, lately,
I had been really depressed,
and maybe Batman will appear an even darker,
more malevolent creature of the night
if the Joker successfully fills our atmosphere
with low enough levels of his laughing gas
that everything gets a bit more pleasant –
though not strange enough to actually listen
and pay attention
if someone says
wait…something is different.
BURNING OUT A FUSE UP HERE ALONE
Weaving freely
through different assemblies
or views
translates into rarely, if ever
feeling the comfort
of deep bonds to places
that transform those spaces
into homes,
Leading me to wonder
what gave me such a quality –
shouldn’t I be able
to remember my own origin story?
I just hope it was because
I had a naive, romanticised view
of detachment
mistaken for freedom
and not because some force
from outside or within
blocked my ability to recognize
nearby communities,
thereby taking away
any hope I had
of communicating with them.
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